The ULTIMATE Digimon/Gundam Wing fanfiction!
by Evil Pixie
Summary: Various yaoi/shounen-ai bits. I'd give it a personal 9 on the DF (Disturbance Factor) It's a story of how everybody got warped together and tried to conquer each other (apart from Tai... who tried to fix his hair)
1. Introduction

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or Digimon, what would the world come to if I did?!  
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Introduction: For reasons only known to KONY, 'Moe' is actually Ken when he's the evil digi-emperor. This is the weirdest fanfiction I possess, then again....  
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When Fanfiction Goes Wrong.  
  
It all started like so....  
  
**  
In a dark room two very foolish girls, one evil, are meddling with the fabric of space and time.  
'Hey!! Look what I found!!' says the kooky looking one. Holding up a little box  
'Kony you idiot, you're not supposed to take that out of the machine!'  
'Why?'  
There is a great green flash and lots of crashing followed by  
'Oops..'  
**  
  
**  
'Whoopsee-daisy!' says Moe as he stepped on wormon and fell flat on his face,  
'Owww' said the weird green bug in his stupid whiny voice.  
The digi-destined ignored Moe and walked along ignorant of the gaping black hole ahead of them.  
**  
  
**  
Late at night on the main road of some poor colony. Duo and Heero are street racing their gundams. People begin to wake up and look out of their windows to see where the flashing lights and noise are coming from. Treize Khushrenada looks out of his window to see two 50 metre mobile suits flying the wrong way down a one-way street.  
'Bloody kids' mumbles Treize. He puts on a dressing gown and walks into the street, around him are other citizens, complaining.   
For eight weeks the drunken teenagers have been taunting Treize.  
Treize sighs and stares sleepily at a large and looming black hole.  
**  
  
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Keep reading, it gets weirder 


	2. First Actions

Disclaimer: I don't own these things, one day I will AND I'LL TAKE OVER THE WOORRRRLD!!!!!!  
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Introduction: Cody is a faggot, it makes sense, think about it. The height issue, the voice issue, his bad hair cut, the list is endless..  
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Chapter 1: Come On After A Few Pints You Would  
  
Duo opened his eyes slowly and took in his situation. Beside him was a blond haired girl, for a moment Duo wondered if he'd been pimping again... Then Duo realised he was lying on a deserted street on.. Earth??!!  
'Agghhhhhhh!'   
Duo screamed until he felt a little bit better and everyone else had woken up.  
  
Moe was having a nice dream about insects and mushrooms when he heard someone scream. Groaning he woke up and reached for a concealed weapon.  
  
KONY woke with a start! She laughed manicly, got up and went for any cute boy! Thanks to some inbuilt mental bad taste signal, Quatre was the lucky guy!  
Shaking him awake she smiled and asked,  
'Will you marry me?!!'  
  
Quatre was shaken awake by a tall brunette girl with kooky eyes who asked him to marry her. Alcohol has its cons..  
'OK,' he muttered.  
  
Treize groaned, he'd just heard Duo scream. Treize began to wonder if Duo had been brutally strangled...  
Dismissing his private fantasies, Treize got up and looked around.  
'Er..where am I?' he said to himself in a very annoyed voice.   
His surroundings looked.. old fashioned. From the position of the sun he could see it was early morning and that he must be on Earth.  
  
TK was awakened by a playful shove  
'Cody..' he groaned seductively  
'Erm...Not really!!' said a voice not quite raspy enough to belong to Cody. TK opened his eyes. A maniacal smile stunned him into concious thought  
'Eeek!' he squealed.  
  
Cody was awakened by the girlish squeak of his lover. As he opened his eyes he saw an unusually tall, brunette girl coming on to TK. Cody shrugged his shoulders and began to search for a cigarette.  
  
Matt rolled over. This deep black pit was far too noisy. Before Matt could realise the stupidity of his thoughts a hand touched his inner leg. Matt's eyes opened in an instant, he saw Jun, the greatest evil of them all.  
Matt shot back into a red-haired girl.  
  
Mariemeia was rudely awakened by a shove from some blond guy. The last thing she remembered was trying to get WuFei drunk.   
She looked at her new surroundings, wondered what the deathscythe HELL had happened and began to plot..  
  
Trowa sprung to his feet the second Duo screamed.  
After flipping about in the air for a while he realised that there was no one to impress, and even if there was they wouldn't like him because he was a clown.   
Trowa sighed.  
  
Jun slipped into concious thought after a beautiful dream where she groped Matt for hours. When she opened her eyes she found that she was surrounded by cute boys. Jun found a marker pen from nowhere in particular..  
  
Dr.J was awake the whole time (because cyborgs don't go to sleep... probably), he ran around taking pictures of girls so that he could tell the other scientists he had slept with them.  
  
Joe had woken with Duo's scream and made an unwanted medical analysis of the situation. The city he had woken up in was quite clean, the road he had woken up on was free of chewed substances and bird faeces and the old man staring at him hungrily.. /did not/ look very heigenic.  
  
Yolei was woken up by Mariemeias baaadd vibes. She cleaned her glasses for about 30 minutes, then concentrated on sending negetive energy to Davis.  
  
Heero had watched the crowd for some time. His first action was to buy some bullets, now he was just looking.   
A dark haired girl with weird eyes had married Quatre.The ceremony had taken place in front of what looked like a post box and using gummy rings. The strange girl was now being attacked by another of around the same age with a short skirt and interesting hair. This was probably a result of the first pushing a blond boy to the ground and kissing him. This boy seemed to be the object of extreme affections by the short-skirted one.  
Dr.J had been the usual pervert and was now trying to cut girls hair off (to show of infront of his colleagues).  
A girl with large glasses was levitating.  
Trowa had begun to cry.  
Heero looked disturbed and directed his attention to a freaky old guy  
  
Davis had a nightmare where sporks chased him into a cave and turned him into an Indonesian all-you-can-eat-for-200-rupees buffet. When he shot up in a cold sweat, Davis tried to make friends but everyone ignored him. Davis finally found a nice old man to talk to.  
  
Lady Une enjoyed her sleep. Duo woke her up so she slapped him. Her personality disorder took over. She told a small boy with goggles that mindless chatter wouldn't solve wars. Her personality disorder took over. She took a switch knife from a freak dressed in blue and threatened Dr. J.  
Soon Lady Une was standing alone.  
  
Mimi woke up when a scary man tried to give a free haircut (!) Then a woman with princess Leia hair told her about peace. Mimi ran to Joe but he called her a naughty word.  
  
Relena looked for her butler.   
He wasn't there.   
She needed money for a butler.   
She had to sleep with Heero for money.  
Relena went to find Heero..  
  
Tai woke up with flat hair  
'Oh my God! I look like a freak!!' he shouted. Tai rushed to what looked like a general store. He opened the door and realised it was someone's house.  
After about 5 houses and a phone box, Tai found a shop.  
'GIVE ME GEL!' he yelled. the store clerk raised his eyebrows and pointed to a large brightly coloured display right in front of Tai. In response to his humiliation Tai picked up some hair gel, looked blatantly from side to side and ran out of the shop laughing maniacly. The store clerk looked disturbed and glanced at the -free samples- notice.  
Outside Tai tripped over Cody (who was puffin' on a cigar)  
  
JayB was the last to wake, this is because she's an insomniac who doesn't like waking up. The noise created by the chaos had eventually stirred her. For some time she glared at the various characters, then Dr. J tried to cut some of her hair...  
There was a period of time where nothing seemed to happen, then Dr.J landed 20 feet away. She needed something to do, Kony was flirting with all boys present, but JayB was naturally a little more reserved..  
Duo Maxwell tapped her shoulder, she spun around in an instant,  
'Hi, gorgeous!!'   
  
WuFei was awakened by Heero.   
He dressed himself up in a beard and attempted to mix with the new children. Most of them just looked scared, but one with goggles on his head came and talked about his cat. WuFei looked crazy and stared hungrily but to no avail. That freak just wouldn't bog off.   
Right now Heero was stalking him so WuFei moved slooowly away..  
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Weird enough yet? Keep going 


	3. It's christmas!!

Disclaimer: Things I don't own:  
Gundam Wing  
Digimon  
Wheatus  
Iron Maiden  
Hell  
Christmas  
Marlboro lights  
Fields of marijuana  
The Brave Boys doujinishi  
Teletubbies  
France  
ELF petrol station  
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I blame drugs  
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Chapter 2: It's Christmas!!  
  
Duo sidled over to Heero childishly,  
'What are you doing?' he said curiously. Heero looked malicious as he turned to face him,  
'/Trying/ to shoot the weird old guy.' Heero turned his face and attention back to the spot where the deranged OAP had been, 'Damn you Duo, he's disappeared!'  
Duo looked nervous, 'Er, OK. So what's /she/ doing?' Duo pointed a quivering finger at Relena, who was coming towards them quickly.  
Heero ran for the hills. Duo sighed and turned back to Relena. She had started to run towards /him/.  
'Aghhhhhhh!!!'  
  
Moe bumped into a frenzied young man. In a camp sort-of voice he said,   
'Why, helloo!'.   
The boy just looked freaked out.  
'What the ::hell:: are you doing in a dark alley!' he shouted. Moe did a badly acted puppy dog expression,  
'I'm just looking for someone to make me happy,' he purred 'what's your name, baby?'  
'Uh..Heero.'  
'Come with mee..'  
  
KONY was meeting soo many interesting people!! Her husband Quatre was wrestling with his friend Trowa, she had asked if she could join in, but they said it wasn't her kind of sport!  
She snogged a boy called Dody or something, but his breath smelt funny so she skipped away into the rising pandemonium!! She only wanted to annoy JayB and meet more boys but she found so-so much more!  
She ran into a cute boy called Catt but a nasty girl called Jume tried to kill her!! She ran away and fell in love with Catt, but her hate for Jum burned on also!  
One day, maybe in years to come-maybe in the next chapter, Jum would get it!!  
  
Quatre, after escaping from his 'wife' had a pen thrust into his hand. At first he thought it was something else, but we won't go ::there::. A girl called Goon asked him to "sign her shirt". Quatre wrote,  
-STAY AWAY FROM THIS BITCH-  
Then he went to wrestle with Trowa.  
  
Treize was trying to calm down Lady Une when a boy with incredibly large hair pinched his bum. When Treize looked at him he ran away. Treize had had enough, he hadn't become the Supreme commander of an Orange Zebra for nothing..  
  
TK was reviving Cody, who had been half choked by a crazy banshee and then tripped on by a chinese boy dressed as an old man.  
'It's OK, Baby. People just don't see you, you've got to stand tall,' TK soothed, as he finished a voice boomed out of makeshift speakers,  
'IN THIS TIME OF PAIN, SEPARATION AND CONFUSION, WE MUST UNITE!!!!'  
  
Cody was attentively listening to his lover when a great booming voice told him what to do. Cody knew it could only mean one thing.  
'The Messiah has come!' he shouted as he bowed to the ground.  
  
Matt was worried/happy.  
The pros of his situation were that Jun was out of the way and that he was in love.  
The cons were that his beloved had deserted him to *get it on* with every red blooded (optional) male in a 5km radius and that he had been gagged and bound by a chinese boy. He was now at gun-point.  
Matt sat with his back to a wall, beyond which strange noises were coming. The boy introduced himself as WuFei Chang and told him to look pitiful when the time came. If Matt did this he would get a sweetie, Matt nodded eagerly at the prospect.  
WuFei looked disturbed. By the time they had finished discussing their deal there were audible groans and whip cracks from the next room.  
WuFei blushed furiously and walked out of the room.  
  
Mariemeia saw her father give his speech. If she was remembering right it had ended with something like,  
'So I'm sure you'll all be very happy to let me rule over you in the paradise we call...TREIZEBURG!'  
At that point an immense cheer had emanated from the boy with big hair, the girl with ridiculous glasses and the freaky robotic scientist. Mariemeia also heard something vaguely resembling the Lord's Prayer from a small boy - a /very/ small boy.  
Her plan was almost ready for action.  
  
Trowa wasn't really listening (we all know why) but it was still obvious what had happened.  
The clues were everywhere: the boy with the pointy shoes, the bearded man he had seen earlier and the general feeling of happiness and wellbeing.  
It was Christmas!!  
Then Trowa noticed that there were no presents, a hole in his theorum..  
Trowa sighed..  
  
Dr.J abandoned his search for attention after he managed to get up. He saw Heero walking in a zig-zag across the pavement and went to see him.  
'Heero! We must do something. Treize has brainwashed the citizens of this-um..colony! We must strike back against this land where evil masterminds, short people and ::women:: (Dr.J drew a cross on his chest) can do what they please!'  
'I'm dizzy.'  
Dr.J sighed, 'Let me put it this way Heero. You have a mission-'  
Heero's head jerked up.  
'Counterattack the enemy with every strength you can find.'  
  
Joe was chatting to an interesting blond girl about robots. For some reason she kept asking him questions about movies and food. Then Joe realised.  
He was being chatted up! Joe gasped, he knew just what to do..  
'I've got 2 tickets to Iron Maiden, Baby,'  
'Um-'   
She was interupted by Joe sweeping her into his arms and putting his finger to her lips,  
'Come with me Friday-don't say maybe!' he exclaimed. The girl looked freaked out, then screamed.  
'RAPE!!!'  
  
Yolei took Tai to see Treize. He seemed a little /too/ excited at the prospect. "His Excellency" (as he know demanded to be called) was looking confused as Cody showered him with gifts, these were mostly Marlboro lights and badly cut marijuana...   
Yolei turned to her soulmate and said,  
'Do you have a gift, all I have is my wisdom?'  
'I have this,' Tai said, and then, in a blatantly loud whisper, 'I found it on the floor outside.'  
Tai passed the spiral shaped object to Mr. Khushrenada, who took it and experimentally slipped it onto his arm.  
That was the start of the T'Ailei Dynasty.  
  
Heero, after escaping from his nymphomaniac lady friend, was taken into a dark room. He must have been drinking because his memory blanked at that point and the next thing that he remembered was Dr.J giving him a mission.  
Heero's objective was, as always, to fulfil his mission. In a room with him were Quatre and Trowa (whispering in each others ears and giggling), Duo (looking like someone in the wrong place at the wrong time) and WuFei (who had a strand of fake beard on his chin). Heero looked at the ridiculous pilots.  
'What are we going to call ourselves then?'  
'Bad boys!' said Quatre  
'Brave boys.' said Trowa  
'Nataku boys.' said WuFei (not really paying attention)  
'Gay boys,' said Duo. Everyone looked at him.'It's /appropriate/'  
  
Davis was talking to a chinese boy,  
'I feel just like... like I've met you before!' he gushed.   
The boy went to join a meeting with Heero (he hadn't even noticed Davis for the last 20 minutes).   
Davis stood alone and whispered to himself,  
'Don't walk away from me WuFei, don't walk away from your feelings.'  
::And then the rain began *romantic music*::  
  
Lady Une was more confused than ever. 2 children were ordering His Excellency about while she was left out of the picture. Then her personality disorder took over. She told the group to find weapons or she would slit their throats, Treize attacked her on all fours. Then her personality disorder took over. Lady Une sat down in the corner and cried. A hand rested on Lady Unes shoulder, it was Soady. She looked deeply into his eyes.. Then her personality disorder took over. Lady Une thrusted Soady aside,  
'What do you want me to do?'  
  
Mimi looked for Joe but when she found him she was dead (!) Then Joe woke up and was horrible to her. Mimi ran away and said hello to TK but he tried to give her a bad touch. She found a nice girl called Ribena but she tried to take Mimi's money..  
  
Relena couldn't find any of the gundam pilots for cash.   
It started to rain.  
She reconsidered her prospects.  
Relena decided to walk around looking sweet until someone empowered her for no apparent reason.  
  
Tai was laughing drily. He had asked Treize to track down and annihilate Matt....And Treize was actually doing it!!  
Then Tai heard music. He ran out of his headquarters and felt the heat. They nstood on a raised platform surrounded by oracle like pillars of flame, they looked like the four horseriders of the apocalypse.  
The girl with red hair was holding a gun.  
The boy with blue hair was holding a whip.  
The girl with kooky eyes was laughing.  
The blond girl had a sword in one hand and in the other..  
Tai walked over to the stage,  
'Bow.' demanded the girl.  
Tai bowed. Anything for free hairgel  
  
She was having a pretty cool day. After seeing Mr. Khushrenada's speech she had felt a burning desire for her own city. That in mind she had questioned a couple of guys so she would know what to bribe them with when the prospect arose. This plan went horribly awry when a tall boy with glasses tried to dance with her. Not being able to dance at all She took the only option available. The tall boy, named..Flo..dropped her immediately and then fainted himself.  
That was when Po appeared.  
'Damn! I brought my camera too!..not much film left though..' he said. She just looked him, he had a black object peeping out of his shirt pocket. She gave him her *What ::are:: you doing* look. It worked and he put the pretty bracelet away. The 2 evil masterminds soon got to know each other and decided on a plan.  
'I will be king and you shall be my queen in the province of..erm..'  
'Hell' she prompted. They smiled at each other and walked away.  
KONY was found with another of her gay boyfriends. She smiled at Po and said,  
'You've got blue hair!!' Po looked worried. They didn't find Mariemeia, she found them, She and Mariemeia quickly became friends.  
So there you go, the Evil Lapdancing Four, ELF.  
  
WuFei was now part of a top secret organisation but he held his own plans.  
'Natakuland..' he mumbled. Heero looked at him,  
'Please don't mumble WuFei, we're in enough shit as it is with a name like this...Actually...shut up or I'll kill you.'  
'Come again?'  
'Look! Do something useful.. like going after Treize with a sniper will you?!'  
'Er..OK'  
'NO! SHUT UP! I can't stand your voice!! Bugger off or I'll /be forced/ to shoot you in the head!'  
'Sure.' (Several gunshots) 'Missed me!'  
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Whaddya think? I wrote the last bit in France when I wanted to kill my French family (my exchange student was singing a long to Celine Dion). Scream if you wanna go faster, or hate Geri Halliwell. Thank you for the support. Merci beaucoup. 


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